Not For Me
by Love In Vein
Summary: Just a short fluffangst piece featuring Mordechai and a new character. Mordechai thinks that love doesn't exist for him, but can it? How will it all end?


Title: Not For Me  
Author: ImhotepsGoddess  
Summary: Just a short fluff/angst piece featuring Mordechai and a new character. Mordechai thinks that love doesn't exist for him, but can it? How will it all end?  
Disclaimer: Well, we all know Stephen King owns the original story. Mordechai, etc. and COTC 2 are owned by Paramount, and Susanna is owned by me.  
  
  
  
Susanna stood at the far end of the cornfield and nervously twisted a strand of caramel colored blonde hair around her finger. She sighed and kicked at a loose pebble and watched it as it bounced away and onto the gravel path that was just ahead. Looking down, she smoothed her plain, knee length blue skirt for what seemed like the thousandth time. Again and again she checked her watch. This was the time that he told her that they were to meet, wasn't it? Truth be told, many times she had felt like ditching the whole idea and staying home, she would have been content to just sit on the couch and flip through the 15 or so channels that they got. Then she had had a fight with her mother. It was about him again, of course. Mama didn't like the boy, he wasn't right, she said. It was his eyes, when he looked at the grownups, those eyes were full of hatred and bad intentions. Papa didn't like him either, but then again he didn't like *any* boy that Susanna had thought to bring home. After all, her father said, she was only 16 and it just *weren't* *right* for a girl her age to be messin' with boys. She was just too *damn* *young*. Susanna knew that neither parent believed her when she said she never *did* anything. Only ever kissing. So, the fight. Her mama practically begged her not to go to the field, said something was wrong over there, and that now the kids were wrong too. She had just told Mama not to worry, that he would never hurt her. Oh, how much she hoped that was true. Cause sometimes, she knew, there *was* something not quite right in his eyes, although he never looked at *her* that way. But maybe, someday, he might.   
  
  
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On the bridge, Mordechai paced. Should he see her? That was the question. If he went to see her, something would happen. And if that something did happen, would he be able to give her to Micah later? Or would his feelings grow so out of control that he would be left blinded by them? He wasn't sure how he let it get this far. He had only met her the day before, and already he found his thoughts clouded by her. Her face, her smile, her smell, her everything. The worst of it was the small creeping feelings of doubt and remorse that had started to invade his sense of duty and loyalty. He was a soldier for He Who Walks Behind the Rows, not just some little boy who could fall in l....no, he couldn't let himself think that. This wasn't love, love didn't exist. Not for him anyway. Never for him. If anything, it was just pure *want*. A sin, in fact. So how did he ever willingly give himself over to sin? And anyway, maybe she wouldn't be there, maybe she wouldn't show up. Already he had shirked his duties and slipped away from Micah and the others at that old woman's house. He shrugged to himself, and started again towards the fields. He would see her. He would just make sure to keep a safe distance. Inside, that is.  
  
  
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Susanna heard a faint rustling behind her and turned around. She smiled lightly when she saw that Mordechai was coming through the corn. He *had* decided to come after all. She turned her back to him and pretended she had not seen him there. It was a few long seconds before she felt his arms snake around her waist. She leaned back onto his chest and turned her face up towards him. "Oh, Mordechai, you scared me!" she said teasingly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Susie, should I have knocked first?" he joked back, lightly kissing her forehead.  
  
"Well, maybe next time, ok?"  
  
She placed her hands over his, and then stepped out of his embrace. Turning towards him she whispered, "I wasn't sure if you'd come."  
  
"I wouldn't leave you out here like that, Susanna. Never, but that's all I can promise," he looked down, not wanted her to see the defeat in his eyes.  
  
She stepped closer to him, until she was close enough to place her hands on his chest. "I won't ask you to promise me anything, Mordechai. I know you won't. I know......," her voice trailed off and she closed her eyes.  
  
"Know what, Susie, what do you know?" he asked, tilting her head up so that he could see her face.  
  
"I know that you can't promise me that," she said, opening her eyes so that he could see the sadness in them.  
  
"Promise you what?"  
  
"That you'll love me, and you need me. Any of it, I know you can't," she whispered those last words, feeling in her heart that she was right.  
  
He looked into her dark brown eyes, momentarily stunned. How could she know that? But was that something he couldn't promise her? "Susie, I......"  
  
"Mordechai, you don't need to say it. Just be here with me now," she said, and softly pressed her lips to his, in what was meant to be a comforting kiss.  
  
Mordechai gently deepened the kiss, opening his mouth and sliding his tongue between her lips. She did the same, and wound her arms around his neck, reaching up one hand to entwine her fingers in his hair. He dropped his hands to rest on her hips, grabbing them tightly and pressing her body to his. He left her lips and began to trail kisses on her jaw line and down her throat and back up again to meet her lips. They broke away from each other and Susanna laid her head on Mordechai's chest, resting her hands on his shoulders. Mordechai wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. They stayed that way for a few long minutes, neither wanting to let go of that feeling. Of being wanted, of being understood.  
  
Finally Susanna broke the silence. "What will you do?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Mordechai said, looking down at her in confusion.  
  
"Me. I'll join you, if I have to. I will."  
  
Mordechai's eyes lit up and he smiled widely at her. It soon disappeared and was replaced by a frown, "You don't want to, though. So why do it?"  
  
"For you. I won't make you choose between me and them. So I'll join them," her voice trembled with uncertainty.  
  
Mordechai hugged her back against him and kissed her. It was a kiss filled with relief and happiness, because maybe for once he would be allowed that feeling. Love.  
  
  
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It was just one or two nights later when Susanna's newfound happiness would come crashing down around her. It was the night of the harvest moon, the night when all the adults would be sacrificed, Mordechai told her. It was not something she was very happy about, and she tried to get her parents not to go to the town meeting, because she knew what would happen there. They went anyway, and that night Susanna quietly mourned the death's of the only two other people who cared for her, besides Mordechai. The ritual went well at first, but Susanna felt a knot growing in her stomach as she watched the boy Danny raise his knife and prepare to sacrifice the girl, Lacey. Mordechai watched with that look in his eyes, and a strange calm around him. He looked over at her and she tried to convey her feelings through her eyes but he seemed not to notice. Micah was shouting for Danny to kill Lacey and Lacey was pleading with Danny not to do it. Suddenly bright lights were coming at them through the field. Ruth thought it was He Who Walks Behind the Rows and was saying over and over that He was coming.   
  
But it wasn't Him. It was a harvester being driven by two men she had seen around town, a reporter and a professor at the local college. Everything after that seemed to move in slow motion. Danny sliced the ropes that held Lacey's wrists in place and together they ran off into the field. Mordechai took his spear and launched it at the man. She watched in frozen horror as the man caught the spear and hurled it back at Mordechai. It went through his abdomen and he sank to his knees. She pushed the confused children out of her way and slid to her knees. Mordechai was laying on his side, blood pouring out of his mouth and the spear-wound. She gently turned him over and put his head on her knees, tears making silver trails down her cheeks. "Mordechai?" she whispered  
  
He coughed, blood running down his cheeks and dripping onto the front and lap of her dress. "I'm sorry, Susie," he rasped. He was crying too.  
  
"Sorry for what, Mordechai?" she asked, afraid for the answer.  
  
"That I couldn't....keep....my....promise," he choked out each word, his lips and skin growing paler.  
  
"You never promised me anything," she said softly.  
  
"Yes I did, I'm sorry I never told you."  
  
"Told me? Mordechai, told me what?!" she almost shouted, needing to hear the words.  
  
"Not for me. Never for me," he whispered and closed his eyes for the last time.  
  
"Mordechai? MORDECHAI!" she screamed, hugging his body to her, the tears now cascading down her cheeks like twin waterfalls. She gently laid his head back on her lap and bent down, her caramel colored hair brushing lightly against his pale face. Gently she pressed her lips to his cold ones, in a final kiss goodbye.  
  
Susanna stayed like that for a long time, simply clutching Mordechai's lifeless body to her. And when the harvester chugged to life and pulled whoever was near it into its blades, she simply sighed and watched numbly. That was the last thing she saw before a bright light claimed her, and she was on her way to meet her love once again.   
  
  
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Author's Note: You may be asking why I would write such a story about Mordechai, but I never intended to make him so evil in my other story, Strange Days. I'll never show this side of him in that story but I think he could be a sympathetic character if you really, REALLY tried to do it. Did I? 


End file.
